It kills me when I feel lost, but the little things along the journey makes me stronger.

I am scared…
I know what’s bothering me, I know the caused of all this…
But.. I am not doing anything about it
That’s why I am scared.

I am trying to go full time vegetarian.

Don’t know if i am strong enough.

I think I need help from a psychiatrist.

I get easily depressed when I see people who are disabled, especially those who are visually impaired.

You have no idea how much it breaks me inside.

Sometimes I wonder why God made us.

So that we can live, and experience life? Live to suffer? Live to make a change in someone else’s life? Live to help people who are less fortunate? Live to find love?

Live for others?

I don’t really know my purpose here on earth, but what I do know is that life is almost perfect for me, but I get emotionally depressed when I cannot help. What should I do, what should I do?

I want to make this life fulfilling. There’s so many things I wish I could do. Like just quit my job, sit at the LRT station to guide those who need my help. But that is just plain silly.

Then I will be in need of money to survive myself. How am I gonna take care of my parents when they grow old, when I don’t have a career.

My mind is full of shit. I can’t think.

It wasn’t bad at all =)

This is very interesting.

I have finally set foot into my final semester in MMU. In just 2 weeks i feel like i have learn a lot from my Design Process class. I found myself a new source of inspiration and ideation. i no longer need to inject ideas into my blood stream. I guess if you try hard enough, ideas will eventually come. This is where the name of the class make sense to me. Process.

Today, I learned about subcultures. Pretty interesting. I am aware and exposed to most subculture, till the bricolage slide came.

Bricolage means the practice of working with whatever materials are at hand, “making do” with what one has. As a cultural practice, bricolage refers to the activity of taking consumer product and commodities and making them one’s own by giving them a new meaning. This has the potential to create resistance meanings out of the commodities. For example the Michelle punk practice of wearing safety pins as body ornamentation is one of the most well-known examples of bricolage.

I am very surprise that what ever i am doing is actually an existing subculture. And heck, there’s a name for it.

one of the usage of safety pin

I still remember, in high school days, my best friends and I use to always visit the piercing shop on Fridays. We would go down there and pierce our ears/nose together. Some of my friends will actually take out the piercing and let it close, and redo the whole process again on the following Friday. I use to have like 10-12 piercings on each ear. what more my friends.

Even better still, I once manually pierced my bestie’s earlobes. not just onces but twice. To make things even more exciting, i pierced her ear in a bumpy school bus ride on the way home. I guess we all shared one thing in common, is that we love the pain, the adrenaline rush and we use to think doing all that is beyond super(i am not gonna say it’s cool). I am so glad that WE ALL TURNED OUT TO BE DECENT. well, sort of.

I secretly likes the idea of body piercing and tattoo. Actually I thought of getting an industrial piercing and hand piercing though.

Gosh, no no… thinking back of things that I did gives me super goosebumps. 8 + 1 is more than enough. Really, I had enough.

my list of things to do is getting longer by the hour.

i have so many things in mind, so many sketches, so many scraps and draft but can execute none.

honestly, i feel very desperate. i only have one shot. gosh, why is this happening?

i need an inspiration badly, like alcohol?

i took procratination to a whole new level.

procrastination at its finest. really.

Yesterday was really funny. Met an old friend for lunch, then had a smooth sailing day at work, after work went for the premier of the Dark Knight with jas0n, then reached home at 2am, then argue with him over the phone. Never expect to do all this on a Thurday night. I am so blessed. Haha.

So anyway, today was a little hectic for me but i am enjoying every single workload that i was given. this is probably the 8th week in Grey, and my boss came up to me and told me that he wants me to work with different Art Director, so that i can learn and adapt different styles and all. I couldn’t be happier. Working with different a team for a change is like me having a whole basket of onion rings to myself. Speaking of onion rings, did i tell you that lately i am pretty much obsessed with onion rings? well, to be honest, i am a person who hates onion, ginger, garlic and what not… but since that day i had the A&w onion ring with jas0n dear, i kinda got hooked on to it. what is in the recipe i wonder, that makes it taste like anything but onions? *rubs chin*

Eh drifted of the topic pulak. my day Friday was really really great, although i had to sit in the meeting room from 9am till 4 pm. had like 30 minutes for lunch. Right now i am on Joseph’s team. Joseph is a really talented guy. Humble and very very supportive over me and my crazy ass ideas. It is really a very big change for me. allt his while i have been only doing things for a brand, but now i am actually involved with a campaign by GSK. not gonna go there for now. it’s P&C.

I realized that life is like the weather in Malaysia. You’ll never know when it will be rainy, sunny, cloudy or flood. The last i remembered was finishing my finals in MMU for the 3rd sem of gamma, then got into Grey and hated my first few weeks, then it has been a month there and now, i am meeting so many new people and actually working on something which interest me a lot.

i guess Internship is not that bad after all.

but i still prefer university life.

to reach home at 9 pm for the pass few days.

to be able to meet my best friends twice this week.

to be able to have breakfast with daddy.

to be able to breathe, and live this moment.

i always, i mean always say that life is short and blah blah n blah the blah. the more i think of it the more i am wasting my time, am i?

i have a little story to share. this morning, like every other morning i will go to the 7-11 opposite my condominium to get the morning papers. well, every morning i will see the same regular staff working there. they would recognize me and greet me. but today was rather different. there was this new guy at the counter, he watched as i walk in the shop. i grab the paper and secretly taking a peek at his face. he looked back. he said out loud as i was walking out the door, “don’t worry, you will have a nice day, i am sure”. then he smiled. i was gawddamn shocked! instead of wishing him like have a nice first day at work, i quickly rush out of the shop. what came to my mind was how on earth he knows that i was worrying about something? is it that obvious that it’s written on my face? come to think about it, no.  anyway, before i exit the 7-Eleven, i turn to him and we exchange smiles.

life is not all about the ups and downs, the problems and the worries, but the different people that you meet or come across your daily life that make a difference.

I have been worrying about things that are not even happening yet. I don’t want to waste my time thinking about shits and then realize that i have been wasting my time worrying and not embracing this moment.

you should do to. live every moment as if it’s your last. baby jas0n always tells me this. =) and i hope to you who is reading this, whether you lost you enthusiasm in doing something or having a bad day, do remember my advice. look forward to small small things that will make you smile and keep you going. after achieving it look forward to more that is coming your way.

smile like you mean it. =)

I try my very best not to look at the bad side of internship.

Every morning i wake up, i will try to think of something that motivates me, or something really simple that can keep me happ, even for 5 minutes.

Today i woke up thinking positive. As soon as i got out from home, i realize the sky in KL was brighter and clearer than yesterday. Is it really the sky is brighter or is it just me?

Yesterday i had a very bad day. I went to the toilet to let out my tears. honestly working in a big advertising company is a big deal. I didn’t cry because i was stressed up or what not, it is simply because i was being urm, how do i say this? Well the seniors here definitely not as friendly as i thought they would be. Thank goodness I have Farah here with me, supporting me in many ways. (Good friends are like angels on earth right?)

Anyway i would like to keep things this way, as i am more open and positive now.

If you are having a bad day and wish you could finish the day faster, try my method. try looking forward to small small things that will make you smile. even for a second.

Right now i am blogging in my office. Waiting to have breakfast with Farah. Then to chat with Mia, Scha, Illy, Steph, Farah and Kah Yee (yesh, ppl that i chat with almost everyday in the office). Looking forward for baby jas0n’s ms. Waiting for my daddy to call, To take a toilet break in between. And yes, all this little things made me smile.

Beyond what is going to happen today, I am so looking forward to have dinner with Illy (i miss you la), a mamak session with my bestfriends this weekend, go back to Cyberjaya to check in my new place, cuddle with baby jas0n, go for the Maxis Wild life Blogging party which is organized by Nuffnang (I got tix!).

See, just when I am so positive about life, all the good thing comes. AND do you know, while blogging this, the director of human resource came here and told me that i am offered a job in Grey after i graduate? oh not to mention,there’s a guy who exits the lift with me ran out from behind and open the door for me. =D