BitterSweet Chocolate

… is painful when the secret kills you by the second

I think I need help from a psychiatrist.

I get easily depressed when I see people who are disabled, especially those who are visually impaired.

You have no idea how much it breaks me inside.

Sometimes I wonder why God made us.

So that we can live, and experience life? Live to suffer? Live to make a change in someone else’s life? Live to help people who are less fortunate? Live to find love?

Live for others?

I don’t really know my purpose here on earth, but what I do know is that life is almost perfect for me, but I get emotionally depressed when I cannot help. What should I do, what should I do?

I want to make this life fulfilling. There’s so many things I wish I could do. Like just quit my job, sit at the LRT station to guide those who need my help. But that is just plain silly.

Then I will be in need of money to survive myself. How am I gonna take care of my parents when they grow old, when I don’t have a career.

My mind is full of shit. I can’t think.

This is very interesting.

I have finally set foot into my final semester in MMU. In just 2 weeks i feel like i have learn a lot from my Design Process class. I found myself a new source of inspiration and ideation. i no longer need to inject ideas into my blood stream. I guess if you try hard enough, ideas will eventually come. This is where the name of the class make sense to me. Process.

Today, I learned about subcultures. Pretty interesting. I am aware and exposed to most subculture, till the bricolage slide came.

Bricolage means the practice of working with whatever materials are at hand, “making do” with what one has. As a cultural practice, bricolage refers to the activity of taking consumer product and commodities and making them one’s own by giving them a new meaning. This has the potential to create resistance meanings out of the commodities. For example the Michelle punk practice of wearing safety pins as body ornamentation is one of the most well-known examples of bricolage.

I am very surprise that what ever i am doing is actually an existing subculture. And heck, there’s a name for it.

one of the usage of safety pin

I still remember, in high school days, my best friends and I use to always visit the piercing shop on Fridays. We would go down there and pierce our ears/nose together. Some of my friends will actually take out the piercing and let it close, and redo the whole process again on the following Friday. I use to have like 10-12 piercings on each ear. what more my friends.

Even better still, I once manually pierced my bestie’s earlobes. not just onces but twice. To make things even more exciting, i pierced her ear in a bumpy school bus ride on the way home. I guess we all shared one thing in common, is that we love the pain, the adrenaline rush and we use to think doing all that is beyond super(i am not gonna say it’s cool). I am so glad that WE ALL TURNED OUT TO BE DECENT. well, sort of.

I secretly likes the idea of body piercing and tattoo. Actually I thought of getting an industrial piercing and hand piercing though.

Gosh, no no… thinking back of things that I did gives me super goosebumps. 8 + 1 is more than enough. Really, I had enough.